last song syndrome.....



I Can't Make You Love Me
written by Mike Reid and Allen Shamblinas
performed by Bonnie Raitt

Turn down the lights
Turn down the bed
Turn down these voicesinside my head

Lay down with me
Tell me no lies
Just hold me close,don't patronize
Don't patronize me

Cause I can't make you love me
if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something
it won't
Here in the dark in these final hours
I will lay down my heart
And I'll feel the power
but you won't
No, you won't

Cause I can't make you love me
if you don't

I'll close my eyes
then I won't see
the love you don't feelwhen you're holding me
Morning will come
and I'll do what's right
just give me till thento give up this fight
and I will give up this fight

Cause I can't make you love me
if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something
it won't
Here in the darkin these final hours
I will lay down my heart
And I'll feel the power
but you won't
No, you won't

Cause I can't make you love me
if you don't

no turning back


i've crossed the point of no return.

it's like head on collision.

so, brace yourselves, ladies and gentleman...

i'm about to fall in love again...

dont play me



so who the hell is paul?

apparently he's this really funny (which is an understatement) guy in our group. and from the start my best friend,bhe, was always try to play match maker, kept on telling me over and over that we look good together. i never paid any attention to her because at first i could not see myself being emotionally involved with paul.

yes, there's no question that he's the funniest guy around but i was never attracted to guys who kiss and tell. everytime we'd spend time among friends, he'd always have stories regarding the ladies he have slept with the week ago or a month ago (heck, does the times really matter?!). bottom line is he enjoys narrating these stories to us everytime we hang out. i don't really mind because i'm not a hypocrite and being among guys since i was a child, i learned to get comfortable talking about our respective sex lives.

so, we were cool at first, then came the time when a day would not be complete if we do not engage in an arguement. it's not the type of arguement where we end up fighting, i think it's our way of "making lambing" to one another. my friends even bet that eventually we'd grow on each other and might even end up as a couple.

ladies and gentlemen, i believe that we are only steps away from that direction.

and i'm getting scared by the minute.

why?

because he verbally confesses that he has the hots for me.

because he's a player and i'm not.

because i don't want to be among the ladies he just goes around sleeping with.

because i want i real relationship; i don't need a "fuck buddy".

because he's starting to grow on me.

because he makes me smile.

because we really make a good team in badminton.

because i am starting to fall...

hard and fast.

you


i know you've probably been having the time of your life now that i'm gone.

you've maybe even got somebody new that you get to shower with your empty promises.

i'm glad i'm not that person anymore. i'm still thankful that i was able to get away from your grip. you don't have anything on me now, not love, not affection, not even pity.
even if it cost me my family, my dreams, and my life, i could say it was still a blessing not to live behind your shadows anymore.

who do you think you are?
taking over some lady's life and making her believe that you were her war hero and that she should be thankful just because you graced her non-existent, monotonous life with your presence.

you were right when you told me...
that you were not as great as i think you are.

you were right when you told me...
that you are just a tailor-made clown.
a third world punk.

and most especially,
you were right when you told me...
that i was the smartest of all the ladies you've had, because i could actually talk some sense into you.

you even told me i was smarter than you.

and i believed you.

and i know for a fact i was smarter than you.

you know why?

simple.

i left you...



i left you.

meantime girl


because i'm a meantime girl. She's the one you call when you're bored because she makes you laugh. She's the one you talk to when you're feeling down because she's willing to lend an ear and be a friend. She's not the one you call when you need a date to your company's Christmas party, or to go dancing with on a Saturday night. She's the one you spend time with between girlfriends, before you find "The One". You know, the one who you keep around in the meantime.

She's not one of the guys, not a tomboy, but you don't look at her as a "real" woman, either. She's not bitchy enough, moody enough, or sexy enough to be seen in that light. She's too laid-back, too easily amused by the same things your male buddies are amused by. She's too understanding, too comfortable ' she doesn't make you feel nervous or excited the way a "real" woman does. But she's cool, and nice, and funny, and attractive enough that when you're lonely or horny and need intimate female companionship, she'll do just fine. You don't have to wine and dine her because she knows the real you already, and you don't have any facades to keep up, no pretenses to preserve. You're not trying to get anything of substance out of her. She's not easy, but you know that she cares about you and is attracted to you, and that she'll give you the intimacy you need. And you know you don't have to explain yourself or the situation, that she'll be able to cope with the fact that this isn't the beginning of a relationship or that there's any possibility that you have any real romantic feelings for her. It won't bother her that you'll get up in the morning, put on your pants, say goodbye, and go on a date with the woman you've been mooning over for weeks who finally agreed to go out with you. She'll settle for a goodbye hug and a promise to call her and tell her how the date went. She's just so cool...why can't all women be like that?

But deep down, if you really think about it (which you probably don't because to you, the situation between the two of you isn't important enough to merit any real thought), you know that it's really not fair. You know that although she would never say it, it hurts her to know that despite all her good points and all the fun you two have, you don't think she's good enough to spend any real time with. Sure, it's mostly her fault, because she doesn't have to give in to your needs ' she could play the hard-to-get bitch like the rest of them do, if she really wanted to. But you and she both know that she probably couldn't pull it off. Maybe she's too short, or a little overweight, or has a big birthmark on her forehead, or works at Taco Bell. Whatever the reason, somehow life has given her a lot of really great qualities but has left out the ones that men want (or think they want) in a woman. So she remains forever the funny friend, the steadfast companion, the secret lover, and you go on searching for your goddess who will somehow be everything you ever wanted in a woman.

You'll joke to her that she should be the best man at your wedding, and she'll laugh and make a joke about a smelly rental tux. She doesn't captivate you with her beauty, or open doors with her smile. Mainly she blends in with the crowd. She's safe. She doesn't want to be the center of attention and turn the heads of everyone in the room. But she wants to turn someone's head. She wants to be special to someone, too. We all do.

She has feelings. She has a heart. In fact, she probably has a bigger and better heart than any woman you've ever known because she's had a front-row seat to The Mess That Is Your Life, and she likes you anyway. She obviously sees something worthwhile and redeeming in you because although you've given her nothing, absolutely no reason to still be around, she is.

there...


disclaimer:
this is just a post i read from sapphicgirl's blog... i hope you dont mind if i reposted it on my blog...its just that i can relate to it so much...

what do i do


what do you do when your ex boyfriend's girlfriend, who happened to be very jealous of you, found out that you slept at his house?

not the type that was found through word of mouth but you were caught red-handed.

with nothing on but ex boyfriend's big t-shirt and your panty like sleep shorts that was barely visible under the shirt.

what do you do when she finds you hiding back by the kitchen crouched like a thief afraid of being found out?

what do you say when she's on a roll thinking that you spent the night having passionate sex?

what do you say when she walks out that door and your ex-boyfriend, her boyfriend is close to tears but he just stood there and he did'nt even try to run after her?

and so she calls me...crying as she asks me confirm her suspicions?i honestly told her that nothing happened, and then she goes crying harder and she tells me "knowing you jam'" then slams the phone loud enough to impair my hearing for as long as i live.

let me tell you a thing or two gurl:

believe it or not, nothing happened between me and your boyfriend.

believe it or not, unlike other people, we actually respect each other and each others relationships.

believe it or not, you don't know me like you're claiming just because you had a peak at my crazy life.

believe it or not, you were lucky you were talking through the phone because if you had the guts and tried saying that to my face, i would'nt think twice about slapping you as hard as your words wounded me.

i know you have the right to be mad because you don't want to believe that nothing actually happened. it's much easier for you to think that your boyfriend for almost 2 years is a jerk who goes around sleepin with his ex-girlfriend when you're not around.it's easier for you to judge other people just because you felt that being hurt warranted you the right to verbally abuse them.

you know what, you don't deserve him, he deserves somebody who would give him the benefit of the doubt, you of all people should have known him better.

so if you don't want to believe that we are actually innocent of what you are thinking we are capable of doing, then screw you!

i don't give a damn what you think!!

boo fucking hoo!

all i know is that i am innocent.you may have caught me wearing almost nothing but a t-shirt,but when we slept, our hands are actually where they need to be.we were two mature people crashing together, and that's all there is to it.

i'm not as fucked up as you think i am.
so don't pretend to know me ok?
coz you never got an inch close to knowing the real me because apparently, a persons sexlife does'nt necessary account for his whole life.
think about that.
and for a change, try using your head.

...weekends with the guys...

we have this thing with my guy friends, we ALWAYS spend the weekends together. it does'nt matter if we are gambling the afternoon away, or having a picnic at the back of paul's house or even boozing the night away. what i like the most about these guys is that because they did not have close girlfriends before, they treat us with so much care. there is always room for joking and fooling around but when it comes down to it, they are very protective... i love that feeling.its really nice to feel cared for,it's heavenly to know that there are people looking after you...worried when you don't make it home in time...worried sick when they know that something is bothering you big time, they would do everything just to make you smile, even crack the corniest of jokes, some would even go through an extra mile like humiliating himself in front of the whole group by singing out of tune...it's really mababaw and everything,but being the sentimental and mellow dramatic person that i am,i'm really touched by the efforts,so paul (..blushing...)thanks for making me smile...baby arnold, thank you for always pretending to be my jealous boyfriend,i really miss that...chobelly, thanks for always brightening up my day with your smart-ass punch lines and your infectious laughter...papa bear, thanks for making every smoking moment with you so much worthwhile...gido,eventhough your really not around most of the time, still,thank you for making sure i get my ride home every night when most of them are still busy gambling the night away...

with all that has happened in my the past few weeks, i believe i'm still fortunate because life did'nt robbed me the oppurtunity to meet these really amazing people in my life...

and i would just like to add, though bhe is not a guy, i really appreciate you sticking with me through all this shit, thank you for being the sister i never had...i really love you guys...