for the last couple of days, for reasons yet unknown to me, memories of you start rushing in my mind. try as i may, i could not escape the fact that you were able to invade my thoughts once more.
however, this time, there is no hatred, no anger. this time, i'm not accusing you of anything, nor am i blaming you for something. this time it was about the positive side of being with you.
i remember the times when we just laid there side by side after passionate love making, we'd lock in an embrace so tight, it was bone breaking. i miss that.
i remember the times when we pass the night away by just talking about the details that make up our everyday lives, from the silliest down to the most serious of conversations.
i remember the times when we used to just hang out and watch tv. sometimes engaging in a pillow fight because what you thought was funny failed to appeal to me. i would cook something and you would enjoy battering me with criticisms about the meal which is your way of saying "thank you, i appreciate it."
i remember the times when you would call me in the middle of the night because i'm the only person you'd like to talk to, i'm the only person around who would understand. with me, you could laugh as loud as you want to or cry as much as you need, i was the only person to get through you, the only person you let in. you needed me, more than you care to admit. and i guess that is one of the few reasons why i stuck around...that and the fact that i loved you...
it made me sad, looking back i realized how much time you wasted trying to impress people, trying to prove to them that you are worthy to be with me. you put up so much energy pretending to be somebody else when all you needed was to be yourself. you were so afraid that you'd look like the loser they think you are not realizing that with their impossible standards, whatever you do, you'd still be "kleng...just kleng".
i remember the times that you made me laugh, you were effortless, you always knew how to make me smile and unfortunately, how to make me cry as well. you always had to hurt me just to know i cared. it's like you were constantly gauging how far i was willing to go, how much more pain i am willing to take. you were assessing my reactions looking for signs that i would hurt you. little did i know at that time that it was your way of protecting yourself, your defense mechanism. you were so much afraid of people getting close to you, of people actually breaking the barrier you have built around yourself, so you always kept a close distance. you always try to hurt them first before they try to hurt you. it was unfair but i guess, i always understood.
i remember the times when you stood there, telling everyone who would care to listen how proud you are of me. you always said i was your pride, your life's direction, and i believed you. i never felt someone speak of me so highly till you.
i was so proud of myself, because my life's greatest accomplishment was not with regards to academics or family affairs, it was getting through you. breaking down your walls. being your better half.
i also remembered how in one night, we lost it all, how years of love, sacrifices and compromise went down the drain. it almost took the life out of me. i died that night.
but life does not accept such weakness, my almost lifeless soul was dragged into painful existence. and so, here i am, still nursing the bruises that still marks that day, maybe the string of memories is telling me that i may have forgiven you for all of it but still not forgotten...
♥MONOKURO BOO♥