Tuesday, June 27, 2006 1:09 PM

i feel bad not just because i lost a friend but because i lost it for a crappy reason.

i'm hurting and i'm trying to hurt you too..because you made me feel second best.

i don't know what i'm doing wrong but i seem to be drawn to broken people. people who has this huge emotional baggage on their shoulders or people who are so hung up on their traumatic past. maybe i'm thinking way beyond and ahead of myself. i thought i could heal them somehow by showering them with affection...i was able to that for some but not for you.

you are so scarred by your past that i don't know if you were ever able to moved on or if you even tried. you never even tried to break a few ties for personal space and for the healing process to start.

i want to be with you but i don't want to be compared every single time to that 5 year relationship that crumbled to the ground after she got pregnant by another man. i don't want to compete with the ghost of your relationship with her.

i wanted to spend time with you but you insult me by patronizing me and assuming that our problems will end if you finally decide to start fresh and be exclusive. i don't have a problem with being exclusive. point is, would you be mentally and emotionally exclusive? what assurance can i get that there a no hung ups anymore with the previous relationship? as far as i know and from where i stand right now, you obviously has some demons to deal with...and unless you face and live with the fact that that relationship failed you'll never move on. it's like you choose not to be happy...and you never will if you keep on passing the chance to be with somebody who genuinely cares for you.

i don't want to sound cocky...but it's your loss man...not mine...or so im convincing myself..



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