Monokuro Boo

i dont know what's worse, being with the person you love but not knowing if he really is mentally or emotionally into you or not being with him and facing the fact that he'll never love you the same way he loved the lady before you?

it's hard to go out...to hold hands...and to kiss when you're not sure if the person you're sharing these moments with is happy that you are the one he is sharing it with or if he secrectly wishes at the back of his mind that you were someone else.

i'm afraid...for one because i'm falling in love with somebody whom i have no idea about what he trully feels for me. maybe this is what one gets, when one does things without thinking...headstrong...head first. you get bumped...you get bruised. i'm blind...i'm thriving in the dark. i try to do things eventhough i really don't know half of what of i'm doing...all i know is that the other half wants to do it...needs to do it. i throw all my cares to the wind, hoping against hope that you'll catch my fall.

i'm not the insecure type. i always knew where i stood in a person's life. however, right now i feel like i'm competing with a ghost...the ghost of his past relationship. his one great love...the person who most people refer to as "the one who got away" the one who'll he'll always remember with tears in his eyes, the person he loved the most...and lost.

and so i'm afraid...because i know i'm never gonna be that person for you...

♥MONOKURO BOO♥

here we are again..i guess we are back to square one...or maybe it was just one of those delusions i got that we moved forward.

we fought again...this time we had an exchange of mean messages. i believe most of them were true that's why it hurts so much. but still truth is a bitter pill.

you told me that i am selfish..that i have a way of messing up the good things...is'nt that a bit unfair? all this time, whatever we have is under your terms...in your own time. i never asked anything except for the truth. what i mean to you and what all this is to you. you always have a way of masking things by succumbing to silence. you assume that things are ok just because we don't argue about it. little did you know that i'm just waiting for you to initiate the conversation just as you promised..still waiting for you to come around.

i don't want to pressure you to go into a relationship because i know very well that you are not ready for one. you're still tied to your past...and i'm so sorry if i have to tell it to your face that you need to move on. sorry if i needed to rub it to your face that you need to embrace the fact that she's gone and that she chose to throw a 5 year relationship down the drain because of some random guy she went out while you were away busy building your lives.

i refuse to be insulted by the fact that you think all i wanted out of all of this is a freakin' relationship...but you continue to drown whatever self respect i have by assuming i'm going to settle with that kind of crap because i'm being my selfish self...that's according to you.. you even said that i was too demanding. i am not. im just merely stating the fact that you need to move on and you need to embrace the reality that thare are things no matter how bad you want something, it does not moean it's for you. not everything is meant for us...maybe i should learn that too.

yeah..practice what you preach jam...

♥MONOKURO BOO♥