"for everything that you lose...you end up gaining something more..."
i should keep this thought in mind for a while.
another relationship went down the drain. it was just like yesterday when we celebrated our first month...and sadly, by the looks of it, might just as well be our last. i know what we had was not perfect. we fight most of the time over the most trivial things because we have different perspective on things.
you think i'm stupid for always making a big fuss out of things. take, for example when i got mad after you failed to introduce me to your father as your significant other when we accidentally bumped into each other in a restaurant where i was having breakfast with some friends. never mind that i know for a fact that other than our friends at work, people are not aware that you're committed right now...and you think thats petty...and stupid...and should not be a big deal. at some point i felt that you're ashamed of me...which makes me feel pathetic and insecure.
to make the long and ugly story short, you got fed up and told me that this is not going to work...through an SMS... after that there was nothing. not even a conversation to confirm where we are right now, not even a crappy text message.
so i cried. and drank for 2 consecutive days and even considered not going to work...which i think makes me more pathetic.
i cried while reading messages from you in my mobile phone. i cried because for 2 consecutive days, you avoided hanging out in the office. you used to wait for me after your shift. i know 5 hours everyday is a huge effort on your part and that i really appreciate. i cried because i thought about all the times we went out to watch a movie. what made me cry more is that fact that you don't usually watch those movies, you sleep mostly through the whole screening, but you always made sure that you're either holding my hand or pulling me close to you.
i miss you and the way you make me laugh. i miss being near you, hugging you or just being plain right next to you...and now i'm not sure if i'll ever be able to hold you or be that near you again.
tonight, i'm planning to drink again with my cousins and probably cry all night. tonight, im going to take it all in. for every drink and for every tear that i'll shed, will be a memory i'll try to temporarily forget. i'll have selective amnesia. after tonight, i'm not going to tolerate myself again...i'll supress my emotions. hopefully i'd be better...
hopefully...
♥MONOKURO BOO♥