Monday, September 25, 2006 6:49 AM
what do you do when quality time by definition of your significant other had been compressed with the time you two spend in the office seating together, taking your break and eating your lunch together? sometimes occasional drinking sessions with the rest of your officemates find its way to that definition as well.
maybe some people would call me idealistic or melodramatic but i'd like to think that quality time is when you two get together and do things. it does not really matter what you do or where you go, as long as you two are together and having fun.
last saturday, i spent the night at a friend's house, i was already spent because i just came from our team building which was after our shift and i had like more than a couple of beers so you could just imagine how tired i was when i got to his place. you may be thinking, "why the hell not just go home?". well, because it was one of the rare times that i had an excuse not to go home, i took advantage of it, i went to see a friend instead because my boyfriend was too bloody tired to spend time with me (sniff..sniff..). so we had a couple more beers while i played resident evil 4. it was so freakin' scary that i had to restrain myself from shouting everytime these zombies would close in on the screen. we've talked about not-so-imprtant things and thats what so special about it. we were sitting in his room, having a few beers and catching up on each other's lives...there were no uncomfortable silence and dead air. i can't help but think why can't i have this kind of moments with "you". i dont think that it's too much to ask...to be able to spend time with your significant other...and i'm not referring to the time spent at the office or the time spent when you are out drinking with your friends. it's the low key, one on one time that you spend doing things as silly and as simple as playing ps2. it's maybe sitting in your car with a cigarette in hand and just laugh out loud because of some corny punchline you threw. i know i maybe a little idealistic when it comes to these things but i do believe that it should not be hard to have a good time and establish that certain connection with that significant other. you can do it with your friends...how hard can that be if you are doing it with somebody you love,right?
if that's the case...then can somebody tell me why i'm having a freakin' hard time... :(
♥MONOKURO BOO♥
Thursday, September 07, 2006 10:24 AM
i dont know if it was only yesterday or a couple of days ago that i was at a loss for things to blog about. seems like everytime things are on its peak, something happens to mess things up.
we argued again. for the past few weeks we have been arguing constantly. tonight we said more than we should have. i'm both angry, and sad...but most of all i'm starting to feel fed up. maybe he is feeling that way too. maybe after tonight we'd really break up. i love him, there is not a certain doubt in my mind about that single fact. however, from previous relationships, i've learned that couples don't last just because of love. there should be compromise between both parties and that i think is something that we lack. i can't talk to him in the manner i prefer because he's not confrontational. though i've tried to send out messages in a way that he is more accustomed to but i think it's all in vain. we argue over the same petty things. he thinks i'm narrow minded and i like to blow things out of proportion. i think he does'nt listen enough to understand. at this point, i don't trust him. he broke that last week after i answered his mobile and talked to his "girlfriend". he denied it, which is expected. after that, i still took the risk and plunged back into the deep, dark, uncharted waters we call a relationship. i forgave him but i did'nt forget. more often than not, i'd be seen scanning through his messages hoping to catch him doing foul play again. he gets ticked off. as far as i'm concerned, i have the right to be suspicious. trust is hard to earn once lost, and i don't think he realizes that. so aside from petty arguements, we have this problem.
and i'm not sure if we'd survive each other. i'm not sure if we'd even get past that 2nd month milestone. i'm not sure of anything right now. all i know is that if he decides things are not gonna work out, i'd let him walk away. i'd cry, and i'd drink...but i'll let him go. because if there is also one thing i've learned, it is you don't walk away when things are going wrong. you don't take the easy way out.
like one of my dear friends told me.."nobody said that the road to true love was made easy..." so i believe that if he loves me he should also be ready to go through hell and back to be with me...and to stay with me. because that's what i'm willing to do for you...even if i know you may not be worth it...
♥MONOKURO BOO♥
Friday, September 01, 2006 5:32 AM
YESTERDAY
shanice
i know, i shouldn't walk out this way
sorry, but my feelings have changed
i would only hurt you more if I stayed
so I can't go on pretending that I
feel like i did yesterday, so
Chorus:
i can't stay
and keep living this lie
i finally found the strength to say goodbye
i'm on my way
nothing can change my mind
i'm leaving behind what we had
yesterday
know this
it's not about somebody else
it's not you
I just need some time by myself
though it hurts me to see you go through this pain
still I can't go on believing that I
feel like I did yesterday, so
{Chorus}
throughout this time
i've realized
been holding this in for too long
but I have to stay strong, can't turn back
i've been there for you, and now I must do
what I should have, yesterday
{Chorus}
yesterday
yesterday
...somehow the lyrics of this song keep playing on the back of my mind for the last few days...i wonder why...
♥MONOKURO BOO♥