for the last couple of days, i have been feeling heavy. there has been this need to isolate myself from the others...not to mention george. i dont know if this is about him or this is just about me. lately, i dont feel the need to be next to him or to be with him. maybe it has been after the realization that im going to start depending on myself for my happiness.
whenever im in a relationship, i tend to be dependent on my partner's or the relationship's current state. it's like i cant detach certain aspects of my life from it. my mood would always depend on where the relationship is going. so one day i decided that im not going to be "that" affected. im going to stop thinking about where he might be and why he is'nt texting me. i would stop pissing people off just because im pissed at him. i would'nt care if he informs me about his plans to go out or not. i would stop being clingy...im not exactly sure how, but i'd stop.
and so i did.
first time i came back to work after that realization, i was a little sad. i knew if i do what was planned, it would mean i'd start caring less...meaning id be loving him a little less everyday. what really surprised me is how comfortable i am with that...with not caring or not bothering at all. i really felt the change and i bet he can tell it to. im just so sick and tired of thinking about him when he is'nt considerate enough to tell me things i need to know. somebody once told me that he might not be the person i think he is or maybe i should stop building a certain image or definition on what a partner is. he said i am typically idealistic...and that i expect too much from a relationship.
so right now, i can say i am less of the idealist that i was a week ago...but im also not in love with my partner the way i was a week ago...
♥MONOKURO BOO♥